Thursday
26Mar2009
who are you
Thursday, March 26, 2009 at 11:34 AM | Jon Perry If you could, would you forget the people who hurt you but retain the lesson? Why or why not?
Thursday, March 26, 2009 at 11:34 AM | Jon Perry 
;)
Jonathan uses his life experience as an example of hope, and promise of overcoming what many have and many more would call unconquerable disadvantages. As a result Jonathan is not only powerful but moving and memorable. As a same-gender loving man, his story is nothing less than phenomenal. read more
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Thursday, March 26, 2009 at 11:34 AM | Jon Perry 
Reader Comments (7)
Hi Jon, very tricky question. I don't think I would because I believe when someone hurts us we have to learn to forgive them so we can move on. We don't have to tell them we forgive them, sometimes we can't. The key is that we aren't forgiving them for their sake, but for ours.
I remember when I was about 27, I went on something called a serenity retreat over a weekend. Throughout my time there we would have large group meetings and then small sessions. We were in a small group of about 15 people and the topic was resentments. When it came my turn to speak, I told the group that I had been holding on to resentments from my ex-husband and our marriage. I had been divorced for a couple of years and I threw a question out to the crowd, "How do you let go of that anger towards someone." An older Gentleman spoke up. He was about 30 years older than me and here is what he said.
"You pray for them every day for 30 days." and I responded by saying, "what if I don't want to?" (can you tell I was angry?LOL) He replied, "Then you pray anyway and you keep praying."
That was a wise lesson and an important one because by walking around and holding those grudges, the only person I was hurtimg, was myself.
Relationships are complicated. We have good and hurtful memories of those who did wrong by us. Anyhow, rambling, for what its worth. NBLFY
J.P.
When I consider this good question, I think......maybe the act of learning from a hurt is not just for the sake of the learning. That person is human like us. It is another me. Although I was hurt and did not deserve the hurt, it does remind me that I have hurt someone before as well. It reminds me of my personal flaws. I see the injury in the perspective of my own imperfection. It also reminds me that I am not God. A German philosopher,Arthur Schopenhauer, said, "To forgive and forget means to throw away dearly bought experience". It reminds me that I have been forgiven. When I look in the mirror, I see someone who has done a lot of error to primarily himself but also to others. Jesus said to me and says to me repeatedly, "Son you are forgiven". I bask i that knowledge and I do not welcome the shit but I embrace it nontheless because it always reminds me of were I (a human) have come from.
So, if it were possible, I do not want that gift. Only God forgives and forgets.
I want to learn from the hurt, but I also want to remember who hurt me as well. It is all learning for me.
Jon, I never repsond to your blog until now. That's a good question. When I thought i knew myself and took time to find myself I really didnt. People can always see more in others than we can see in ourselves. I have learned to move on from the people who hurt me if I don't then thats something is wrong with me. If I choose to keep these issues that someone hurted me. I will always feel that way about myself. Why do people hurt us? I find out in life through my expericences the main one who do hurt us return in life or paths months,or years later in some form of fashion.
Jon, man this is really not such a tough question, but for many it can be quite the conundrum. "Who am I?" I can honestly say that I am not the man I should be, but no longer the man I was." many of us have been hurt, and it is never easy getting through the pain or forgiving the person that hurt us, but time heals all wounds. Yes forgive and move on, utilize your heart and mind move on find yourself someone or something that brings you joy.
I think that it should never be too far from your mind. You never need to forget your past. I believe that people are who they are, and they're flawed by nature. But it's our responsibilty to not let that remembrance engulf us and keep us trapped in the past. Great question.
No one never truely forgets. Lessons arn't fully learned unless they are retained. U forgive to let go of any grudge, and/or anger you have against a person. But to answer the question... YES!!! It would bring me great pleasure to be able to totally forget a person, but retain the lesson learned.
I wouldn't want to forget the person because that person becomes the template for the type pf person I should look out for. I think you need to have the reference point for the lesson. Part of the lesson is the journey getting there. I just don't think you can have one without the other.