i don't care what you are...

I am not your judge, your jury nor your executioner. I am here to share my life with you. All I ask in return, is that you maintain sufficient personal integrity and an open mind, because what I say may be perceived as offensive, too bold or down right sacrilegious. All I know is what is true for me. What is true for me is what I have observed myself and when I lose that I can hang it up, because I have lost it all. So let this be my first and only apology to you, because I am NEVER wrong about my experience.

It’s not always easy just being ourselves, especially when we are surrounded by forces and pulled in directions that teach us to strive to me like: Mike, Jay-Z, or even Jesus. We are constantly being encouraged to go in directions that are in most cases contrary to our truest self and the desire to just be what we are.

There is rarely a day that goes by when someone doesn’t ask me where I got the name – “justbthat.”

In 1998 I was chatting with a really nice guy from New York whom I’d met online — you know, back in the WBS and go.com days. He was insistent on his desire to be with me; expressing every reason in the world why I was the one for him. So, I asked him to send me a picture of himself and after much reticence, he sent the picture. Besides the distance, I did not find him all that attractive — so I gave him every reason I could think of, except the truth, why I was not he one for him. Finally, he shut me down, “I don’t care what you are, just be that.” My reply, “I guess!”

It wasn’t until about 2004 that my reflection made that single statement more real to me than any line any person had ever spit to me in my entire life.

He was saying, those things you think make you unattractive or even undesirable, are some of the same things that make you beautiful to me. Just continue to be those things that make you what you are and I’ll take care of the rest. You be what you are and let me decide if what you are is what I want.

We feel the we are compelled, almost uncontrollably, to pretend to be the things we know are attractive to the men or women we want to pull. Isn’t it better to develop an honest relationship, whatever type relationship that may be, than to have them and then they recognize you for what you are in their eyes at that moment in your life – a fake? It winds up costing you more than what you believed it was worth or wanted to pay. I catch hell from my friends for being so transparent; but I realize; their rejection, for any reason at all, is my direction. The way I see it, if I have to pretend and lie to get him, then I have to pretend and lie to keep him; and that is not the type of relationship I want from a friend or a partner…that person is NOT for me.

Your past does not make you bad because every past is somewhat sordid. An HIV status does not make you bad because all it takes is one. You are not bad if you do not have a lot of money. You don’t have to rock a pair of True Religions to be a quality person. What makes you bad? What takes away from your quality? Those are not questions for me to answer. That’s when introspection becomes ones savior! Just be conscious of the principles of conduct and notions of honor and decency with which you introspect.

Earlier I ask you to maintain sufficient personal integrity and an open mind. I asked you to do that because that is the part of you knows what I am saying is right.

The year 2004 changed my life; it changed the way I interacted with everyone. I stopped judging and started letting people just be.

Just be what you are and let me decide if what you are is what I want.

Don’t change your colors for me because with the greeting of time, trust me, they will fade and I will see what you thought you hid – which is what you are.

I [really] don’t care what you are…justbthat!

Comments

[Angel Baby!]

Tell if Im crazy, I want to be with someone not naming any names, but i dont know if that person even want me sometime i feel that he does and other i feel like Im alone struggling to get his attention. I wonder sometime if he even see that i want nothing more than to just be by his side. So i know that what i want, but does he knows. I understand that he needs time to adjust to his surrounding and i might and more stress to his life by bugging him everyday so i ll give him space so he can breathe. I'll wait for him to call...So then how do i deal with the fact that he might being seeing someone or maybe find someone to fullfil he urges i dont i just have to except, this is what i think when he is away and i should cos he live his life and i should live mind and not think that way cos he told me that he didnt want me to go away....I can be myself ...but i rather be myself around him. only time will tell...

P.S. if you dont call or answer my calls aleast txt me just to say hi, let me know you still care....

[tdubbs]

great post man, and i great take on life, i too have been adapting that chain of thought, cuz u know u cant change people so just take them for what they are, and hope that u are compatible,this goes for friends family and dating.

p s , great pic man

[dancehard]

PREACH BOY!!!! YES I'm feeling you with this, for real! I wish more of our brothas could understand what you have just written. Whether it be accepting your sexuality, your HIV status, your upbringing, whatever, it makes no sense to pretend or discount who and what you are.

That is what I tell people who are interested in getting to know me platonically, professionally, or romantically...just be who you are, and I will decide if I like what I see. LOVE IT!

[Ted]

VERY PROFOUND ARE YOUR WORDS. I TELL MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY ALL THE TIME "JUST LIVE YOUR TRUTH" AND YOUR LIFE WILL FLOW NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE.